yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
