You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
