I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
