So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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