I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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