there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
