I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
