I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
