the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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