i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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