If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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