weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
