You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
