I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
