I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
