I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
