nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
