You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
