Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize