I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
