Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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