So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
