I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
