don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
