you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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