i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
