And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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