i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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