I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
