She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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