If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
