I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
