Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He shit in the fireplace
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
