If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
