She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
