i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
