I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My bed smells like the plague
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