Duck Duck Cougar?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
