Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
