my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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