I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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