Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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