if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize