I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
