Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
