Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
