Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
