I want to have your abortion
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
