I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My bed smells like the plague
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
