I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
