I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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