Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
