I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
