ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
