You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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