i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
