Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
