your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
