This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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