You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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