Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
