tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
