I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
