well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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