Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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