i just wanna soil my oats bro
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
