just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
