every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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