Barsexuality is the new black.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
