Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
