Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
