did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
