IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
