So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
