Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
