did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
